The sun'll come out
Tomorrow is officially surgery day. My COVID test results came back negative (yay!), I’ve got all my pre-surgery instructions down, and my alarm is set so we can make it to the hospital by 5:30am (yuck).
After a weekend spent mostly stressed and emotional and, just, tired, today I feel remarkably calm. There’s no more dreading the scary surgery day…it’s almost here. And it’s honestly a relief. Yes, partly so I don’t have to dread it anymore, but also because even though the recovery process is going to be difficult, at least it’ll involve healing. Like, it’ll hurt, I know, but I’m in pain now. After surgery, things will be moving in the right direction. I hope.
The surgery should last about 8-10 hours, which is a really long time, but I’ll be unconscious (thank god). Joe is who I’m really worried about. That’s a long time to sit and wait and worry.
I don’t know if I’ve really given Joe the credit he deserves, at least not officially. (Officially = on the internet for everyone to see, duh.) It sounds cliche to say this but I honestly don’t know that I’d be able to do this without him. And he just very naturally stepped into the caregiver role despite being tasked with caring for someone who wants ZERO HELPS, THANK YOU. He comforts me when I need it, he gives me space when I need it, and somehow he’s willing and able to understand the difference between the two. He doesn’t get offended when I’m super cranky most of the time, even when he’s trying so hard to cheer me up. He’s also basically running our lives at this point because my brain isn’t capable of doing much in the way of thinking or planning lately. And he’s doing all of this while being incredibly upset himself.
It’s been a really shitty year. My dogs died and I got cancer, so I’m basically a “my truck broke down” away from being a country song. But through it all, I’ve been consistently amazed at how kind people can be. How supportive. How willing to help they are, without expecting anything in return. This world can seem like a real shitshow most days, but I really believe that majority of people are good. They just don’t get as much attention.
And in case I wasn’t clear, Joe is the best one of all.